I’M BATMAN...
Written By Rob Alderman

Dear Readers…

Welcome to the incredibly long review of the new Batman film, though to be honest, Batman has been out for so long in the theaters now, that a movie review isn’t really the right description. Think of this more as a review of Bats in general. If you hate long reviews, go ahead and head elsewhere. If you hate movie reviews by armchair quarterbacks, move along. If you dislike Batman, it is probable that you never should been on this website in the first place. This article is long, full of commentary (NO SPOILERS) and delves into comic book and character history, which, for most, probably makes it boring. Still, as a fo-realz comic book geek, I wanted to put my thoughts on the matter here on the interweb. With that in mind, here we go…

I saw Batman the night after it opened, and I can honestly say that you should cancel whatever plans you have this evening and go to see the movie instead. It's that good. Really. Like, REALLY really. The film is a powerhouse, full of stunning performances, a great script and superb directing. My friend the Slinky warned me before I went, "Dude, go take a leak before it starts, cuz once it does, you are not going anywhere. It's 2 and a half hours of story. No fluff." And he was dead on. Absolutely no filler in this film. In fact, if more movies were like this one, we would beg for Hollywood to make more 2 and a half hour movies. The story is so full and thick with character development and storyline progression that when it's over, you sit silently and wonder what the hell just happened to you.

Now, on to the Godfather 2 references. If you haven't heard, The new Batman is being compared to GF2. Sacrilege? Hmmm…not completely. But not completely accurate either. GF2 defined an entire decade of filmmaking. Batman does not. I'd even wager that Batman is better paced than GF2. But better pacing does not a masterpiece make, and Batman is simply not quite a masterpiece. Good? You bet. Great? Most probably. The best film in years? Nope.

With that said, I do understand the comparison. Both are excellent noir films. Both films make use of the visual space well. Both films have great ensembles that work really well together. There is a scene in Batman where Christian Bale, Gary Oldman and Aaron Eckhart are speaking back and forth on a rooftop and their voices find that natural rhythm that most films never quite reach. It's very reminiscent of something Coppola would have done in GF2.

And then there's Heath Ledger.

You know the moment in The Godfather when Al Pacino guns down those guys in the restaurant? It changed the way that I viewed movies forever. In GF2, Pacino takes us beyond acting and into another thing entirely. It's as if you are watching something so intimate and horrible that you wish you could look away. But you can't look away. You are riveted, and you are going to watch. It's as if Pacino has some power over your will...he MAKES you watch.

There were at least 3 moments in Batman last night that were like that. Horrible and ugly and ultimately undeniable. Ledger FORCES you to watch him. Now, the Slinky has pointed out that the easiest characters to play are mentally retarded people, and that's true. Handicapped and Psychotic people might look intense to the viewer, but rarely do they require well-honed acting chops. For instance, in hindsight, do you REALLY think Hanks deserved an Oscar for Forrest Gump? Great movie, really, but Hanks didn't have to do much work. The script did it all for him.

Sometimes, what sets an actor apart is their presence. It's that moment when something intangible happens and you can feel them in the room. They own it, and nothing you can do will stop that. Typically, this is what makes us remember the good acting in bad films. You know the kind. It's when we say, "So and so was the only bright spot in this otherwise terrible film." Presence. It can take a mediocre script and transform it into a breathtaking moment. But in this case, the script is much more than mediocre. The script moves us along at lightning pace. So when Ledger's presence enters the picture, the results are similar to standing out in a thunderstorm with a metal rod held over your head. You know you are going to feel something.

I won't lie to you. I like Ledger. Always have. My first experience with him was "10 things I hate about you" and even then, in a pathetic girly movie, you could tell that he had it. That presence. I remember watching the Patriot and feeling like I was watching a young man become a man. We were actually witnessing Mel Gibson handing off the torch to Ledger. It was great. Well, in Batman, Ledger not only has the torch, but he's using that torch to burn down everything in sight.

Watching Ledger as the Joker was disturbing. I felt dirty for watching him emote as a psychopath, knowing that ultimately, the film contributed to his death. Ledger was a method actor, and it shows. He wasn't acting like a psychopath. He IS a psychopath. And that should disturb all of us. After watching Batman, the film lover in me mourns the death of such a young talented actor even more than I did previously.

OK…enough about the film for a moment. Let's talk about Batman as a character. In fact, let's take it a step further and talk about his History. When I was a young boy, my earliest comic book memories revolve around Batman. I loved to imagine Batman stopping the bad guys with his never-ending collection of gadgets. The bad guys were so cool. Riddler, Penguin and of course, The Joker. There was something neat about Batman because he was just a normal guy. In many ways, he was more of a detective than a superhero. I used to want to be Batman. Rusty, my 4-year-old, wants to be him now.

When I was 15 or so, I purchased a small graphic novel in my local comic book shop. It was The Killing Joke, and was my first introduction to "adult comics". The story was dark and riveting. Most importantly, was that it truly showcased the psychotic dance that the Joker and Batman played through the years. I realized after reading that book that you couldn't really have one without the other…they were intertwined forever.

Soon after I read the Killing Joke, I got my hands on Frank Miller's version of Batman, The Dark Knight, and my world was changed forever. I knew that I wanted to write comic books. (Something that I'm still trying to do.) Miller's Batman was mind-blowing. A tough cop who wasn't afraid to do whatever it took to bring down the bad guy, even if that meant skirting the law a bit. (OK…a lot.)

As time went on, Batman began to look much more like Miller's version of the character and less and less like the hero I fell in love with as a child. In fact, it's difficult to even remember what made me fall in love with Batman now. Though the new version of Batman was powerful, it had been stripped of its sense of wonder. Batarangs that had once been used to knock enemies unconscious now cut flesh. The Batmobile no longer took fun jaunts down main-street trying to catch a criminal. Instead, it crushed cars in its wake. In many ways, the Joker is the voice of sanity and insanity at the same time, and the moral quandaries are too numerous to count.

I was recently at a con (which will remain nameless) and hung out with a DC editor (who will also remain nameless) that was preaching about Miller’s genius in the All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder title. In his words, the editor said, “He [Miller] said to me, hey man, you wanna go down in flames together?” Awesome! We now have writers of beloved heroes that WANT to write something awful! This editor then went on to say that the reason fans hated the title was because they didn’t understand Miller’s genius.

Interestingly enough, I had recently pulled Frank Miller's new Batman comic from my collection list because it was so brutal and nonsensical that I found it disgusting. While I’m sure single fanboys who live in their parent’s basement and have never had a date absolutely LOVED seeing Batman have sex with the Black Canary in the middle of the street, I can say that the rest of us thought it a bit silly.

So, is it true that I’ve missed the genius of the new Miller series? I doubt it. After all, I still regularly read The Dark Knight Returns and marvel at its genius, all these years later. How is it that I clearly see Miller’s genius there, but somehow miss it now?

And THIS, is the problem with the new Batman film franchise. It is not something I can take my 4-year-old son to go see…and there is something terribly wrong about that. Rusty wants to be Batman. He desperately wants to go see the new movie, and as a responsible parent, I just can't let that happen. And that is a damnable shame. I miss Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson, who somehow got it right. They walked the balance, making a movie that was equally as good for adults as children. If a character is truly timeless, as I believe Batman is, then it should be possible for him to play to all audiences.

The fact that we as a society have allowed ourselves to buy into the idea that our heroes must become gritty to be believable is sad. There is a moment in the new Batman movie when Alfred tells Bruce Wayne that he must become more than a Hero. He must become something more. Well, I'll second that, and take it to the next level. Batman IS more than a hero, and making a film franchise that cannot be watched and appreciated by our children is nothing less than tearing him down.

So, is the new Batman film the best of them all? Absolutely. Is it my favorite? Not even close.

Rob Alderman currently resides in Chattanooga Tennessee. He is a husband, father and long-time author on all things pop-culture. His favorite comic book right now is Atomic Robo and his favorite comic book ever is The Dark Knight Returns. He is also very fond of Chicago-style pizza and Guinness.